A Father-Daughter Relationship
As Alison describes her story throughout the book, she emphasizes the significance of her and her father's complicated relationship. However, I wanted to talk about the idea of how even as she describes her relationship with her father as negative, she then states how "he was there to catch me when I leapt" (Bechdel 230). Throughout the book, I always saw her father impacting her in only negative ways, pushing her down, providing her a childhood of neglect, and only delaying her coming of age and ability to find her identity. However, it actually seems that it wasn't necessarily the case at all.
In many instances throughout the story, Alison talks about how her father's life was " a narrative of injustice, of sexual shame and fear, of life considered expendable" (Bechdel 196). She looks down on her father because of his fear to live his life, his cowardice, his lack of strength to express and strive for the life he wanted rather than suppressing his identity and settling for a fake life that he didn't like. She ultimately felt like he wasted his life. However, her coming of age was significantly rooted in her father's life that she called a "waste". She aimed to live out her life the way her father refused to do, to express her sexuality in art, to leave her home and find her own independence, and explore her sexuality instead of repressing it. A lot of what lead her to do this and make significant strides in her coming of age was her goal to lead a life completely different from her father's. Although she saw her father's life as insignificant and wasteful, it actually played one of the most important roles in her coming-of-age story, pushing her to find and express her true identity to live her life fully in the way she wanted, unlike her father.
Additionally, as she was describing her father, not only did she describe the worthless life he leads, she also expressed her annoyance and anger at how her father treated her and the rest of the family. However even as he was neglecting her and her siblings, using them like robots to do chores and tasks for him, she found herself wanting his attention, wanting to spend time with him, and wanting him to know that she was like him. Although this might be because of the neglectful childhood she had, I think it's also because she finds support in him. Although he doesn't support her in the best way one might think, she doesn't feel completely alone. She always knows that there is someone who has gone through the same thing, who is willing to give her books about sexuality, who pushes her to explore her sexuality, even if he does sometimes try to take over her passions and life. I think she feels somewhat thankful because she is able to feel at least some comfort, more than her father ever did, during her path of figuring out her sexuality. Knowing that she isn't alone and that she has someone to (somewhat) lean on most likely helped her feel less afraid of this unexplored and new path of her sexuality. This most likely helped her explore her sexuality more than her father ever could.
In the end, her father wasn't the most sturdy rock in her life, but he was still a rock in her life that made her feel safe as she explored her sexuality and identity.
It was interesting to see how long Bechdel spent describing how neglectful her father was to their family and building him up as an antagonist, to turn it around in such a quick way that made me start rooting for him to an extent. We are shown how he's done some horrible things, and though those aren't really excusable it does make his character super deep, and it means a lot more when Alison starts to love him not just as a physical father but also spiritual mentor at the end of the book.
ReplyDeleteWhen I originally read that exact sentence you used, "he was there to catch me when I leapt" I thought of Bruce holding her back and preventing her from exploring life. I feel like the common phrase is "catch me when I fall" and by Alison using the word, "leapt" it's like taking a leap of faith, and her father prevented her from continuing on that path. This was just a small observation, and I agree with everything you said in the post!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your sentence at the end comparing Allison's father to a rock. Because of the way that she described him early in the book I expected her to hate him at the end but she doesn't. Their relationship is really complicated and I think that this idea of him being not perfect but still important to her is a really good way of explaining why she feels the way she does about him.
ReplyDeleteTheir relationship is interesting to think about this way! it's definitely almost paradoxical. I really think the reason he's able to be there for her sometimes- especially when it comes to sexuality- is because he's gone through the same thing in a way. Although they're not close, they're still very similar and distant connection makes the dynamic pretty weird.
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